adder

2007-01-05T09:19:00.000+08:00

All my life I have been told that I was nothing and would amount to that.
After a while you start to believe this, and I have.
I have no confidence, and think none is needed.
To get up in front of people is a waste of time... -not mine, but theirs.
To tell people my opinions or ideas is a waste of energy... -not mine but theirs.
So I do not speak, in fear of me... -but for fear of them, not liking.
I have nothing important to say, and never will... -so why am I here?
I have to have an importance somewhere...
But where?

2007-01-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

Come to think about it, I'm gonna suffer real bad if I keep suffering in silence.

Always pessimistic as an individual but when it concerns the interest of other people, I'll always go all out to make it good.
In othe words, I'm a pessimistic individual who's optimistic only when dealing with the interest if others.

Forever putting up a strong front so as to conceal real emotions.
Perhaps its just basic instincts and human nature that we don't reveal our weakness and sadness.
Its tiring having to stay cheerful and happy at all times even though deep down, you're torn.
Just because to everyone else, I am one who is always happy with life, always cracking up funny jokes, always entertaining people and providing amusement.

more ocmmonly known as a clown.
Emotions hidden.

Behind the smile is everything you will never understand.

2007-01-02T19:04:00.000+08:00

New year grettings to all.
2006 has been a really hard year, even more so when drama was added just right before it was about to end.

Something's wrong, something's wrong.
What the fuck is wrong?
Tell me fuck!
You're the god damn problem!
Solve yourself godammit!

It's weird.
Cause I kept quiet, somehow or rather, people taught me to.
Judging a person is not a mistake, but judging a person without knowing them is a terrible mistake.
A terrible mistake that you would never wanna make.
The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection but not a fountain.
It's to show them that we love them not when we feel like it,but when they do.

2006-12-31T11:47:00.000+08:00

The "friends" you need to dump

The bleeding heart liberals say, "Don't blame the man, blame the circumstances." Likewise, don't blame the title. Blame the "friends" who made me write this.

Well as the old folks say they prefer a thief to a liar, you can hide your posessions from a thief but you cannot get away from a liar. True, too true.

You have become a pitiful figure. You have lied, cheated and used your friends. I'm sure you justify it in your own mind so you can sleep at night. I did not expect you to hurt us, and what you have done is a disgrace.

When you lie, you ought to know you'd be exposed one day. People stay away for they do not know whether what you're saying is the truth or just another lie. People get sick and tired of guessing whether its true because you've have taken so many people for a ride.

And then after all the shit you pulled, you wallow in self pity. You can go gain pity from the people who do not know anything with what you're so ever good at, lying. But the truth be told one day and punch you right in you stomach.

Your syndrome remolded
Self-induced
Self denying
Self implying
Self abuses
Self excuses

You're just a dumbass.

You lie contantly about all things in your life, well most of it. Your family situation, troubles this and that and make up stories big time, is it a medical condition or just a natural tendency of the person to lie constantly? Getting angry when confronted, just would not admit to the fact that he/she is a lying and tries to defend oneself.

You lie to make yourself feel important and to draw attention to yourself. You have been doing this for a good number of years, that it has become second nature to you and your do it without realising that you're doing it. It has worsened, you lie about being sick just so as to get a reaction out of the people around you. It is embarrassing at times cause the lies are blatantly obvious.

You hypocrite, first deny and judge yourself and then judge the other.

You may be able to regain some dignity by letting go. It sickens me to even think about it. You have won with lies this last year. Let's see what the truth does for you.

2006-12-26T14:50:00.000+08:00

Story for Teaching Values: A Brother like that
Shuaib received an automobile from his brother as an Eid present. On Eid day when Shuaib came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it. "Is this your car, Uncle?" he asked. Shuaib nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Eid." The boy was astounded.
"You mean your brother gave it to you and it didn't cost you nothing? Boy, I wish..." He hesitated. Of course Shuaib knew what he was going to wish for. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Shuaib all the way down to his heels. "I wish," the boy went on, "that I could be a brother like that." Shuaib looked at the boy in astonishment, and then impulsively he added, "Would you like to take a ride in my automobile?" "Oh yes, I'd love that."
After a short ride, the boy turned and with his eyes aglow, said, "Uncle, would you mind driving in front of my house?" Shuaib smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile.
But Shuaib was wrong again. "Will you stop where those two steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Shuaib heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little crippled brother. He sat him down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up against him and pointed to the car.
"There she is, uncle, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Eid and it didn't cost him a penny. And some day I'm gonna give you one just like it...then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Shop windows that I've been trying to tell you about."
Shuaib got out and lifted the boy to the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride. That Eid, Shuaib learned : "love for your brother what you love for yourself".
"He who helps you in your time of trouble is your brother."

2006-12-26T14:45:00.000+08:00

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.
As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and drove the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please mister... please, I'm sorry... I didn't know what else to do," he pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handi-capped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out his fancy handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay.
"Thank you and May God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the little boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!

2006-12-25T18:58:00.000+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

2006-12-24T10:32:00.000+08:00

R.I.P Kennedy
by adder

We have never met,
It looks like we never will.
I've heard about you,
almost my whole life.
I feel like I've known you
since forever.

He took you away,
before all of us today.
The lord takes all the good
in their early days,
Thats what they all say.

So many things left unsaid,
So many things left undone.
We fear what has become,
Gone too young,
Too soon.

You will be missed by the many,
Whose hearts you touched,
Whose faces you lit up.
Who lives you coloured upon.

Going through the pictures,
Memories flashes thru' my head.
I realise, that's all we have left
of you..

Never a chance to say goodbye,
I ask myself why oh why.
No more hugs to be share,
You will no longer be there.

2006-12-07T15:57:00.000+08:00

Too Tired

Too tired to live
Too scared to die
Must pull down my sleeves
And keep living this lie
Always shameful
Forever afraid
Why do I have to be crazy
Am I better off dead
Locked away deep inside
So much hurt and the tears
Kept all to myself
For these long painful years
Please someone save me
Look past my mask
Don't feel revulsion at me
This is all that I ask
I won't ever be beautiful
With what my skin conveys
Maybe another few cuts
Will make this all go away
Over and over again
The cycle goes along
I get lost in the moment
Then cry because it's wrong
Hopefully I will go numb
My heart will turn to lead
Then with a slip it'll be over
And I'll finally be dead

When the stars fall from the sky,
Its left with you and I.
Noone slows down to take a look around anymore,
Too busy waging stupid wars.

2006-12-05T22:01:00.000+08:00

Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You dont want to smile, and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don't know exactly what is wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting.. and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who wont take 'i don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just BECAUSE. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again,but until then all you can do is wait..
It's really easy for someone to say 'Oh, things will get better', or 'if you're at the bottom, the only place to go is up.' You don't know what their life is like. No matter WHERE you are, things CAN get worse. They can, and for some people, they do. Only they know their life. Only they can pick the road to go on. No one can choose it for them.
Everything changes eventually. That’s just the way life is. And you have no control over it. Suddenly people you thought would always be there disappear. People die, they move away, and they grow up .

2006-11-28T20:19:00.000+08:00

Drained
by adder

Your back is all that faces me.
Sometimes I wish you'd turn around
and see me, use and what used to be.

I know somehow you've gotten over it,
over me, and our sad love story.

Fairytales lifts up your hopes,
Reality slits you in throat.
No story has a happy ending.
No love is ever forgiving.

Like every other fight,
Someone gets hurt.
A crossfire of hurtful words.
Hearts are stabbed by one you loved.

Don't leave me buried in our past.
Something we both played a part.
You got out of it and moved on.
Why didn't you bring me along.

Fairytales lifts up your hopes,
Reality slits you in throat.
No story has a happy ending.
No love is ever forgiving.

Hate me like I hate myself.
Curse and pray that I rot in hell.
Slit myself hard on the wrist.
I know I will not be missed.

Bleeding that very last drop of blood in me...that once loved you.

2006-09-13T18:11:00.000+08:00

I pass all my modules.
Like wtf?

2006-09-09T23:27:00.000+08:00

They call kids like us vicious
and carved out of stone
But for what we've become
we just feel more alone

2006-09-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

Why the fuck is everything not going right.

That stupid fucker married to my mum doesn't hold a job and fucking take money from my mum. Now what?
He has an affair outside?

FUCKING BULLSHIT.
WHAT PISSES ME OFF IS MY MOM IS GIVING HIM WHATEVER HE WANTS.
Why the hell do you put the house under his name the car and everything else when you're paying for it all by yourself.
HOw fucking stupid can things get.
WHY THE FUCK CAN ANYONE BE SO DUMB!!!! WHY IS MY MOTHER SO FUCKING DUMB!!!
AND WHY THE FUCK IS SOME USELESS DICKHEAD MY FATHER?
I GOT NO FUCKING FATHER FOR FUCK SAKE!!
I'd rather I know nothing of it, now that I do I feel like shit. SERIOUSLY.
SOmetimes the whole fucking marriage isn't just about the two fucking adults, you know how we fucking children also suffer. Brought about in your stupid fucking up marriage. We did rather not be made. Fucking selfish assholes.

ALL YOU DON'T SUPPORT THE FAMILY, YOU DON'T FUCKING WORK. YOU STAY IN THE ROOM ALL DAY LONG SLEEPING. YOU GO OUT TO MEET THE FUCKING WHORE. YOU TAKE MONEY FROM YOUR WIFE, YOU MAKE HER PAY FOR YOUR FUCKING THINGS. AND WHAT? NOW YOU FUCKING KEEP ANOTHER WOMAN OUTSIDE? YOU CAN'T EVEN SUPPORT YOURSELF PLEASE? KNNCCB. I SWEAR I WILL MAKE YOU PAY. CCB!

AND I FUCKING TELL HER HOW FUCKING USELESS THAT MAN IS, AND SHE FUCKING GETS MAD AT ME. I MEAN COME ON. WE THE DUMB FUCKS, THE FRUITS OF YOUR FUCKED UP MARRIAGE GETS AFFECTED TOO. OMFG.

IF he is dead

and he isnt there to hurt the shit outta the woman who fucking loves him to the point of pretending not to know bout it.
i wanna kill him, am serious.

SOME ONE KILL ME PLEASE!!

If it wasn;t for me thay wouldn't have gotten married.
fucking shit.
hell ya, I'm a shotgun baby.
adder adder, why are you the cause of all the shit that happens?!
I fucking wanna stab him. KNNCCB.

2006-09-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

I guess the best thing about people making mistakes is that you get to learn from them without making the mistake itself.

Get it?

And so I've learnt not to ignore people no matter how much you hate him or her. I think it's plain rude and insulting to ignore someone. It's worst in cases where you don't tell the other party the reason why you're doing so. That person can go crazy trying to figure out what the bloody problem is. So why not spare the person's sanity and just tell him/her the reason. If you prefer not to, then I think you're just being plain selfish!

SO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG DAMMIT?!?!?!

2006-09-04T14:52:00.000+08:00

Time flew by at the wink of an eye.. No idea what I've been doing lately. Nothing important and good enough to be remembered. So much has since happened, since I stop bothering much about what is happening around me.Things have been and are always changing, not to mention the people as well, be it for good or for worst. But I guess we need to learn that its part and parcel of life and get used to it. Nothing stays the same forever, people change, they move on, they die.. More oftened than not, we're too busy looking for something better than we already have. Too busy to even notice the things and people we already have in our lives. How special they are and how they make you laugh so hard your stomach hurts, yet you feeel happy. Everyone says they are searching for happiness in thier lives, so tell me what is happiness? Don't tell me the people around you now, never made you happy, not once? We are never content with what we already have in our lives, always wanting something better then we already have.

In your years that you've beeen alive, from the day you were born till this very moment. Have you been told that you were nothing and would amount to that After a while you start to believe this, and you have. You have no confidence, and think none is needed. To get up in front of people is a waste of time...not mine, but theirs. To tell people my opinions or ideas is a waste of energy...not mine but theirs. So I do not speak, in fear of me...but for fear of them, not liking. I have nothing important to say, and never will...so why am I here? I have to have an importance somewhere...but where?

Today, most of us are too busy trying to please the people around us even strangers. And the opinions that others have about us have become so important we're afraid to even be ourselves anymore.

On a lighter note, maid brought home a hamster, that got me and my sister screaming and running into the room. -.- And how nice, the neighbour from the opposite flat was staring and laughing in amazement. He must have thought we saw a dinosuar or something.
And also R.I.P Crocodile Hunter.. Steve Irwin. (no, he wasn't killed by a crocodile)

I ask myself why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me..
The problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.. (:

2006-09-01T10:52:00.000+08:00

Some say you can never really fall in love twice, it is always the first one that scars you, it is the one that you wished would have never entered you life, it’s ill effects are around, tugging at you, laying all its weight on your back, and the recovery is never really that, it eases away as time goes by, but always their to remind you, to set you right again and to bring a sense of balance to your life and if it seems to have gone away, left you for good never to return, never to remind you, then you were never really in love and be it, one less victim of its dagger like pain, you were in sense spared from its joyous brutality and its joyous affections an experience that will come in due time.

2006-08-25T07:58:00.000+08:00

A Blur
by adder

Vision blinded by tears;
Heart filled with fears.
Tomorrow is never promised;
Yesterday was never cherished.
"Friends", only used and abused;
Left alone torn and bruised.
Acohol helps you forget;
But it doesn't end just yet.
Feeling down yet you don't know why;
Nothing helps no matter how hard you try.
You cry behind that closed door;
Bleeding on the cold hard floor.
Looking into the mirror in front of you;
You see someone you never knew.
All you needed was someone to be there,
To just pretend... they actually care.

28/06/06

Leaving you guys with this, flying off to bangkok in a couple of hours.
Meanwhile, take care. (:

2006-08-24T12:41:00.000+08:00

For those nerdy asses out there who are way to holy to be drinking yet wants to know what its like to get high and wasted. Head down to anywhere that provides ferry service.

Went to some casino cruise out in the waters of indonesia. It has been a long time since i step into one of those things that floats on water, the last time I remembered was when I was 5? I don't remember being sea sick back then. -_-
I happily boarded the ferry that was gonna bring us to the main casino ship, with a couple of friends. One step onto the little ferry, and like WOAH!, wtf this is one giddy mutha effing trip. -_-
Since all were pretty much smokers and people who can't get enough of thrills, there headed to the open air seats on the top of the boat. The first thing i said when I got up there,
"Is the freaking casino ship gonna sway like that tooo?!?!?"
3 angelic people who heard my question, laughed in harmony. -_-
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
1 decides to make me look even dumber, or rather feel even dumber.
"If it did, the russian roulette would be spinning like there's no tomorrow"
OK fine. -_-
So like a good little kid, I sat there thinking, "its ok, we'll be there soon."
Well, soon felt like foreverI thought I heard my friend say it was a "4 to 5 minutes ride" Or so i heard wrong, she said "four-TY five" grrr.

Anyway them fags are like 4 bucks there. -_-

On a side note, I heard my maid singing "ai wo bie zou.." when my sister was playing that song.
HAHAHAHA

2006-08-23T10:54:00.000+08:00

An attempt to revive the once alive blog. =x

It will be done soon.. I think. =D